Bob and Ray Offers

Were irreverent publicity handouts a big thing at one time?

Jay Ward used to have his writing staff send out phoney programming advisors and fake offers in the hope of getting some of it published or aired.

Bob and Ray did it, too. And got some nibbles.

Here are three short pieces published in the Boston Globe. The pair started their careers at independent station WHDH in the ‘40s, moved to NBC in New York in July 1951, then hopscotched around. By 1959, they had a 15-minute early evening show on CBS. Some say it was their best work on the air—it was strictly comedy, other than any advertising the network may have sold. I like the NBC show better; it had the two short musical interludes and some of the material was adapted from funny routines aired in Boston. Some of the characters they developed for CBS grate a bit for me, but I’ll concede some of the comedy may be sharper; there’s something to be said about giving a “Good Neighbor Award” to an old woman who calls the police on little kids trick-or-treating.

First up is a short “interview” from July 19, 1959 (no doubt cut down from a longer release), then programming notes published August 9th and Ocober 11th. Whether they came from the network or Bob and Ray’s agency with Ed Graham, Jr., I don’t know.

Vacation Tips From Bob and Ray
Ray—What it the cheapest way to travel?
Travel Expert—Well, deportation proceedings beat them all. But I guess the next cheapest way is to sneak aboard a ship and, whe you're caught, tell the purser you never carry more than $50 on your person at any time.
Ray—Is it possible for a person to walk across the United States on foot?
Travel Expert—Not with Hawaii in the picture.
Ray—And what is the most interesting sight to be seen in the British Isles?
Travel Expert—The Guarding of the Change, which takes place at the Bank of England!

Help-Bob-and-Ray Kit Hot Item at CBS Radio
At approximately 7:53 p.m., Monday, June 29, over the full CBS Radio Network, Bob and Ray made what they believed to be the most unusual and exciting once-in-a-lifetime offer ever made by the renowned Bob and Ray Laboratories—"The Help Bob and Ray to Fame and Fortune and a Worry-Free Old Age Kit."
This tempting offer included a common pin to lock the radio dial to CBS Radio; a piece of skin-colored adhesive tape to raise the corners of the mouth, giving the lucky recipient the appearance of having a permanent wry grin; a sign to attach to the front of automobiles, reading, "I'm on My way to Listen to the Bob and Ray Show;" another sign for the rear bumper, reading, "I've Just Been Listening to the Bob and Ray Show;" and a neatly printed poster to hang over the television screen while the Bob and Ray Show is on the air, with the legend, "I'm Listening to CBS Radio— and the Bob and Ray Show."
Sympathetic Bob and Ray fans responded magnificently. A staff sergeant at Fort Benning, Ga., sent a hard-earned Green Stamp as his "contribution to the Bob and Ray anti-senility fund." A New York resident thoughtfully enclosed a blank check which was unsigned because, he said, he wanted to remain anonymous. cut a woman listener in Seekonk, Mass., wrote to state, simply, "In a sad and terrible world, thank CBS, there is YOU."
Bob and Ray constantly present new and exciting program ideas, such as the memorable "Do You Rate a Date?" On its premiere a few days ago, and elderly spinster her life ambition—a date with everyone's heart with her eloquence and, as a result, Bob and Ray fulfilled her wish, authorizing her to ask the French premier for a date.
Other special and exclusive Bob and Ray features include "How to Breed Contempt for Fun and Profit" and their newest, the Bob and Ray Kash Klub, which, according to its prospectus, will eliminate the need for carrying cumbersome credit cards.

Gourmet Club Reopens; Guest Sandwich Big Hit
To the accompaniment of lutes, dulcimers and maracas, Bob and Ray recently reopened their fabulous Bob and Ray Gourmet Club—a glittering social event which was broadcast during their CBS Radio program.
This is the second straight month that this club has been reopened, making the affair a time-honored tradition in the annals of broadcasting.
Climax of last night's broadcast came when the coveted Guest Sandwich was presented to the lucky recipient on the huge, Klieg-lighted stage which was gaily decorated with the now famous Bob and Ray colors— blue and gold— and topped by the Bob and Ray Crest.
As the scaled Guest Sandwich was carried onto the stage by four Bob and Ray guards in full dress uniform, tension mounted and necks craned almost to the breaking point. And, as a hush and some ceiling plaster fell over the audience, the seal was broken by the bonded master of ceremonies.
There was deafening applause when it was announced that the featured Guest Sandwich for the month of September was Cream Cheese and Blackberry Jam on Rye with Seeds. And as the jewel bedecked audience slowly filed out, everyone agreed that this had been the most imaginative Guest Sandwich ever and wondered what the selection would be at next month's reopening of the Bob and Ray Gourmet Club.
Also during the broadcast, Bob and Ray announced the launching of still another promotion campaign the Bob and Ray Trophy Train, scheduled to start from San Diego, California, today. This will be a special train bearing Bob and Ray memorabilia, such as their high school diplomas (reproductions of which will be available at nominal fees). The Trophy Train will take the place of Smelly Dave, Bob and Ray's huge dead whale, which is being shelved because of the onset of cool weather.

CBS dumped its evening comedy block on June 24, 1960. Bob and Ray could be heard on NBC again, doing bits for Monitor. And a five-minute version of their show, presumably the CBS version, was still being heard in 1961 on CJBC, a CBC station in Toronto.