Research is valuable and invaluable. Unearthing long-lost or previously undisclosed information can change things.
Until Kathy Fuller-Seeley started her very thorough research, Jack Benny’s first writer was considered merely as an arrogant jerk, a victim of karma in later years. All this, as far as I’m concerned, is still true, but Kathy’s examination of scripts, newspapers and other sources has added a dimension. Harry Conn deserves some credit for moulding Benny-on-the-air into the basis of the character that made him popular for years, and helped create a form of radio copied through the 1930s and ‘40s.
One of Conn’s responsibilities until a final blow-up in mid-March 1936 was to ghost-write articles in the printed press. We’ve transcribed several here over the years. During an appearance in Pittsburgh at the start of that month, Jack “wrote” articles for two of the daily papers. We transcribed the one from the Pittsburgh Press IN THIS POST. This article is from the Pittsburgh Sun-Telegraph of March 3rd. Jack did a Jell-O broadcast from the city on the first, then had a several-shows-a-day performance at the Stanley Theatre that week. It included Mary Livingstone, Kenny Baker, George Metaxa (who also appeared on a Benny show from Washington, D.C. that month), the Stuart Morgan Dancers and, I suspect, the Chicken Sisters as Blanche Stewart, Vi Kline and Kathrine Lee were on the Pittsburgh broadcast.
Jack Benny Batting Says:
Batting for Karl Krug
By JACK BENNY
Hello, folks, this is Karl Benny—er . . . Jack Krug—er, I mean Jack Benny. That's it, this is Jack Benny batting for Karl Krug . . . Whew! I'm glad I got that straightened out. I'm just a little nervous writing a feature column, AS THIS IS NOT MY RACKET. No kidding, I'd sooner walk out on a stage and face 50 people—no more, no less—than write a column.
But I'm in no mood to dicker. I did try to get out of it by explaining to Karl that I had five and six shows a day at the Stanley Theater, in addition to preparing my radio program, which leaves me just about enough time to eat. But he just looked at me, smiled, and said, “Oh, yeah? Well, thanks, Jack. I'll expect you to have that column ready by 4 o'clock Monday.”
Jack as Good a Gambler as Actor
Well, after all, folks, if Karl Krug can prepare a column EVERY day, I guess I can by it once. I'm just as good a gambler as he is. Now a lot of people given this opportunity would start right in by mentioning all of their friends. I am no exception.
To begin with, I think that Mary Livingston (not because she's on our program) is a great artist and (not because she's my wife) a line woman. I also think that Johnny Green (not because he conducts our orchestra) is a great musician, and Kenny Baker (not because he's our tenor) has an excellent voice.
Benny Gives Formula For High-Class Broadcast
I have been asked through fan mail and other sources, how to prepare a successful broadcast. Well, there really is no formula. However, I can give you a recipe which the sponsor will not get wise to for at least 13 weeks, and here it is:
Take a few well-seasoned Sally Rand jokes and mix them with essence of stooges. Beat the stooges thoroughly and add a joke about the Dionne Quintuplets, then put in one chorus of "Music Goes Round and Round," a pinch of ad lib, and stir with microphone till it comes to a croon. You then add one commercial plug and serve within half hour. If it happens to be an hour program, you beat the stooges even more thoroughly, add a bit of slightly used repartee and then serve.
Mary Finally Gets Poetical Opportunity
Well, I guess my half hour is up now. . . .
Mary—Oh, Jack, Jack.
Jack—What is it, Mary?
Mary—Aren’t you going to put in my poem about Pittsburgh?
Jack—I don't think so, Mary. This column is long enough. And anyway—
Mary—Well, I think it's the least you can do after all the trouble I went to.
Jack—All right, Mary, let's hear your poem. You say it's all about Pittsburgh?
Mary—Yes.
Jack—Go ahead.
Mary—New York City, New York City,
It's great be to back here again.
And see the same faces
In the same places
On Broadway, where men are men—
Jack—(Mary, I thought this was about Pittsburgh.)
Mary—I'll get to that later.)
Jack—(All right, but hurry up.)
Mary—Where are the stars of yesterday
Like Sam Bernard and Eddie Foy,
Weber and Fields, Caruso, and Shakespeare,
Who thrilled us when Dad was a boy.
Jack—(Mary, I'd get Pittsburgh in there if I were you.)
Mary—(I'm coming to it.)
Jack—(Oh!)
Mary—Where are the theaters like Wallacks and Daly's
Who played all the stars that were great?
Where is Old Hammerstein’s,
It’s gone—alas!
That’s why we’re going to play Loew’s State.
Jack—(I’m a little embarrassed, folks)
Mary—But don’t be downhearted, old Broadway
As a Main Stem you are still okay—
Jack—Mary, what about Pittsburgh?
Mary—Here it is . . .
Dear old Pittsburgh, dear old Pittsburgh.
What a city you are, hey hey . . . .
That's all, Jack.
Jack—Hm! Good-night, folks.
(Note: The conductor of this column flatters himself that such pitter and patter as he may come upon in his daily quest of the elusive item is of more interest than a press agent-written "guest" column. However, a rule was broken today to permit Jack Benny, now vacationing in Pittsburgh, to say his say. Jack really wrote it himself; after reading it, perhaps you will be of the opinion that it might have been better had Harry Conn (Jack's writing man Friday) been the author. Anyway, it gave me the first chance in two years to clean out my desk.—Karl Krug).
The claim is Conn wasn’t responsible for this. Yet Conn bragged he was responsible for all of Mary’s poems. Would Jack misspell his wife’s last name? On top of that, a squib in the entertainment column in the other paper noted that Jack was writing the radio show for March 1st in between performances at the Stanley with two men taking notes. How he could have time to write a column under these conditions?
There is an unanswered conundrum: who were the two men with notepads? Was Conn one? Who was the other?
Kathy’s research found Conn abandoned the Benny show in Baltimore before a March 22nd broadcast and an issue of Variety soon after claimed Benny wrote the April 5, 1936 show because Conn was “sick.” That was the same excuse Jack gave on the air at the end of the season. It wasn't true.
The Benny show became better and better without Conn. New writers added the party-hound version of Phil Harris, Rochester, Kenny Baker then Dennis Day, the Fred Allen feud, the vault, the Maxwell, Jack’s age of 39, violin lessons with Professor Le Blanc, Frank Nelson’s “Yehhhhhhhs?” and many other things we associate with Benny today. Because of this, Jack still has a fan-base that enjoys his radio and television shows, almost 50 years after his death. You don’t need research to tell you that.
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