Christmas Cards With the Stars

You’re an entertainment reporter. What do you do around the Christmas holidays when there generally isn’t a lot of show biz news or gossip? You fall on old, annual stand-bys.

Columnists filled space every year with stories about what the stars were buying for Christmas, what the stars bought for Christmas, where the stars were going for Christmas, where the stars weren’t going for Christmas, that sort of thing. Publicists were prepared as it seems columnists somehow all discovered the same information.

Here are two columns from 55 years ago dealing with another of the December perennial subjects—what cards are the stars sending this Yuletide season? The first is from the Associated Press, published on Christmas Day 1963, the other next is from United Press International, which appeared in papers two days before.

TV Handles Christmas Reverently
By CYNTHIA LOWRY
AP Television-Radio Writer
NEW YORK (AP) — A few years ago Christmas was considered by many an occasion for funny cards. Now it once again is being handled reverently.
Typical of cards sent this year by television performers are those from the David Janssens, the Robert Goulets (Carol Lawrence) and the Merv Griffins: color reproductions of art classics by Rembrandt, Filippino Lippi and Botticelli.
Loretta Young’s card shows the Wise Men and the star with a tree, like one of the twisted pines of the Pacific Coast, in the foreground. The Perry Comos’ is a reproduction of a modern painting of Madonna and Child. Alice and George Gobel’s handsome card depicts the Wise Men bearing gifts for the Mother and Child.
Some, like Bea Benaderet and Robert Merrill, suggest their occupations in light-hearted cards. Bea’s is the shape of a little red locomotive—a piece of machinery which is a real character in her “Petticoat Junction” comedy series. Singer Merrill’s announces a Christmas concert by ‘‘one of the leading singing groups in the country today” — himself, his wife, their two children and dog—all shown in silhouette.
Joan Crawford, as usual, took time to write a personal letter of greetings.

Finnigan's Hollywood
By JOSEPH FINNIGAN
HOLLYWOOD (UPI) — Movie and television stars sent out Christmas cards this year just like the rest of you folks, spelling out the holiday spirit in a religious or festive vein.
Pianist Liberace is winner again in the color derby. His card this year shows him posing in a gold jacket backed up with a lace shirt, black tie, gold buttons and two sparkling rings. He's standing next to a pair of Christmas trees.
Rock Hudson's card was red and gold with raised letters that spell out "Merry Christmas."
Edie Adams Kovacs sent a photograph of herself and her three children.
Ronnie Reagan's red and gold card shows a Christmas tree on the front.
Small Cutouts
Bea Benaderet mailed small cutouts of a red and white railroad engine, the background of her "Petticoat Junction" series.
The Carol and Dwane Hickman greeting showed a drawing of three kings playing homage to the Christ child in a crib under a palm tree, a star shining overhead.

Lawrence Welk's card shows the maestro standing with Santa Claus in front of a stage. The card converts to a calendar which perpetuates the greeting all during 1964.
Robert Taylor, an avid out-doorsman, sent out a winter scene showing two deer beside a pond.
Donna Reed mailed her season's greetings in several languages. The card's face features a modernistic painting of a shepherd. It's dedicated to the United Nations Children's Fund.
Paul Burke mailed a gold and blue card which simply says: "Season's Greetings."
Santa Plays Fiddle
Musician Roger Williams sent his best wishes on a card which shows Santa Claus playing a fiddle. Santa's beard provides the fiddle strings.
Steve McQueen's greeting depicted the Christ Child and Mary His mother. It's a modern painting printed in Spain.
Loretta Young's card shows Joseph leading a donkey carrying Mary and the infant Jesus.
Steve Forrest featured a bird sitting on a limb. "A partridge in a pear tree," the card says.
Elvis Presley, and his manager, Col. Tom Paker, sent out one of the most beautiful cards. It shows Mary, the Christ Child and a host of angels. Inger Stevens sent a drawing by Giovanni Battista Tiepolo of the Holy Family.
London City Scene
Alice and George Gobel's shows the three kings riding camels and carrying gifts of homage.
Eve Arden's greeting came from London where she is currently living. It shows a London city scene, double-decker bus and colorfully garbed English guardsmen. David Janssen sent a beautiful gold card on the face of which is detail painting of two children. It's entitled "Heads of Angels" and was done by Filippino Lippi.
Dan Duryea's greeting is in a comical vein. It shows a beardless Santa Claus bouncing off the edge of a chimney. He missed the entrance.
Raymond Burr notified his friends that a contribution in their name has been sent to CARE to help needy people overseas.

Generous Jack

When you think of the generosity of Christmas-time, you naturally think of a guy who locked all his money in a steel box underground, guarded by an old man and alligators in a moat.

Mind you, the guy was really two guys. There was Jack Benny, the radio and TV character who wouldn’t spend a dime if he could avoid it, and Jack Benny, the real life radio and TV star who was a pleasant and giving man.

Syndicated columnist Margaret McManus chatted with Jack and her column was published just days before Christmas 1960. The column has nothing to do with Christmas. McManus simply used the season of giving as a jumping off point, kind of like I’ve just done, talking about a variety of things, including money, comedy’s new talents and his work on television.

Jack Benny, Gentle Man Of Kind, Generous Spirit
By MARGARET McMANUS
NEW YORK—The week before Christmas is the right time of year for a visit with Jack Benny. He is a kind man, and a gentle man, no matter whether you spell this as one word, or two.
He has had success beyond most men's dreams; he has had troubles, as do all men. From his vantage point at the top of the ladder, he has had a good look at the panorama of human weaknesses and human glory in the worldly battle, yet he has not lost his instinctive generosity of spirit and good will.
Jack Benny, who has made millions of dollars on his reputation as a penny-pinching skinflint, will actually not even discuss the subject of money, with either sponsors or networks.
As a matter of fact, he is almost the only one of the top echelon CBS television stars who, in the final stages of contract negotiations, does not sit down with the lawyers and accountants and agents, and participate, at least in some degree, in the final bickerings.
Says He's Terrible Businessman
"I will not get into the money business," said Benny. "I never have and I never will. In the first place, I'd louse it up. I'm a terrible businessman. I have enough trouble with the jokes, without getting into the other side."
However, there are stars who seem to enjoy the battle of the dollar. It is rumored, for instance, that Jackie Gleason is an artist in this aspect of his business. And a prominent newscaster once said to me:
“I don't want an agent to negotiate for me. There's nothing I like better than sitting down with those guys and getting an extra buck out of them.”
Jack Benny dislikes the very mention of negotiations.
"I hate business," he said. “I don’t understand it. If you don't swim, you stay out of the water."
His Timing Slow and Easy
The comedian was in his suite at the Sherry Netherlands here. It was close to noon on this blustery winter's day and he was about to walk to the Lambs Club for lunch. But he seemed in no hurry. Although he is always in constant motion, he never appears frantic or breathless or pushed for time. In action, as in speech, his timing is slow and easy.
Perhaps this perspective, this sense of balance and timing, is somewhat responsible for the security which contributes to Benny's generosity of spirit. A frightened man is wary and suspicious. He dare not help a possible competitor.
Jack Benny not only laughs out loud and in public at other comedians. He praises them in print and helps them in many practical ways. Over and again, he has said he thinks Joey Bishop is the brightest of the newer-comers and Bishop, in turn, says nobody has helped him more in his career than Benny.
Benny is also a fan of Bob Newhart and of Nichols and May.
“If you can use the word ‘genius’ to apply to a performer, I think Nichols and May are geniuses," he said. “I’ve been to the theater three times since I’ve been in New York, twice to see Nichols and May. What a future they have.”
Happy With New Schedule
Now on regularly every week, 9:30 P.M. Sundays, CBS-TV, Benny said he is satisfied and happy with his new schedule.
"Nobody likes to work as much as I do,” he said. “I guess Bob Hope and I are the most complete hams of all time. Of course, I believe it's better to be on every week. If sometimes you have to do a fair show instead of a great show it's still better to be on every week. It cements the watching habit."
Benny said he could never dream of retiring, not even when he's 40, not even to have the time to spend playing his violin all day, every day. Anyway, he couldn’t afford it.
"Mary and I spend too much money,” he said. “We go overboard. If I retired, I’m sure we couldn't live on the scale we do now. I don't know which is worse, spending too much money, or spending too little. Of the two evils, I guess I'd rather spend too much."
On[e] Hour Special in February
He may as well keep on spending because obviously he is going to keep on working. Besides his weekly Sunday show, Benny will star as the host of a one-hour special on Thursday, February 9, NBC-TV.
It is a musical variety program called “Remember How Great,” highlighting the all-time popular hit songs of the past few decades and featuring Juliet Prowse, Connie Francis, Andy Williams, and Harry James. The sponsor is the American Tobacco Company which was Benny's sponsor for so many years on the radio.
“I really didn't want to do this one,” he said. “It’s a lot to take on with the weekly show, but I couldn’t refuse my old sponsor. It’s the first time in all these years they ever asked me for a favor. Not that they aren’t paying me a lot of money, but it’s still a favor and I couldn’t say no to them.” Saying yes comes easier to the generous than saying no.

The First Christmas Cartoon

What was the first animated Christmas cartoon? I’m not an expert on the subject, so about the best I can do is guess.

Selig released Doc Yak’s Christmas on December 26, 1913, in which he met up with Jolly Old St. Nick. It must have been a success for on Christmas Day the next year, the studio released Doc Yak and Santa Claus.

The Doc Yak series began on July 8, 1913 and petered out within a couple of years. The cartoons no longer exist. However, a publicity shot from the Santa Claus cartoon (right) was made available for publications, and I’ve spotted it in a couple of places.

Motography magazine of December 26, 1914 even reviewed the latter short. Doc Yak was generally a split reeler, that is it was on the same reel as another short. This time, though, it took up the full 1,000 feet of film.

Doc Yak and Santa Claus — Selig — December 25. — One of the most interesting, entertaining and thoroughly enjoyable Christmas offerings that the Selig Company has ever released, is this full reel cartoon comedy by Sidney Smith. Doc Yak, the famous cartoon creation of the illustrator is seen writing a letter to Santa Claus, and later receiving the gift which Santa Claus brings him. In addition to all of the humor and originality for which the Selig Doc Yak pictures are famous, a Christmas touch is given this one, by adding a realistic snow storm scene during the greater part of its length. All exhibitors will, undoubtedly, mark this release A-1 on their booking sheets. N.G.C.

The Motion Picture News of the same date liked the cartoon, too.

"Doc Yak and Santa Claus." (Selig. Fri., December 25). — Sidney Smith, the Chicago Tribune's cartoonist, devotes a whole reel to the ridiculously funny escapades of Doc Yak and Santa Claus. Doc has an interesting scrap with Jack-in-the-Box which Santa and his reindeer have brought him by the approved chimney route. Very clever and exceptionally well done.

The Chicago Tribune’s Kitty Kelly also reviewed it in her December 24, 1914 Filmland column.

“DOC YAK AND SANTA CLAUS.”
Selig.
Doc Yak .... Himself
Santa Claus ... Himself
The Fairy ... Herself

For holiday amusement Sydney Smith and the Selig people have prepared a whole reel full of funny Doc Yakisms, appropriate to the occasion. There is Doc Yak, himself, having a fairy and a Santa Claus and a regular Christmas of the most exciting kind, and there is Santa Claus himself, and the cute little house he lives in and the shop where he keeps his supplies and his flying team of fleet reindeers, and there is likewise a fairy that appears and disappears and an animated jack-in-the-box and other Christmasy things galore.
Snow has been cleverly devised to descend and there is a charming silhouette reindeer effect in addition to the mirth-provoking facial agility of Doc Yak and his associates. There is the requisite “punch” that acts Doc Yak into the midst of a dramatic climax.
It is altogether a very fascinating thing, and funny as only an animated cartoon—one of the funniest things there is—and a Sydney Smith cartoon—one of the other funniest things there is—in conjunction—which means a double degree of funniness—could be.

Since we can’t link to non-existent animated cartoons, instead we’ll post the Doc Yak comic that appeared in the Tribune at Christmastime in 1914 (December 20th). Also below are Everett Lowry’s Mr. Bones, Penny Ross’ Mamma’s Angel Child and Rudolph Dirks’ Hans and Fritz from the same paper.

Is There Snow Saving Jerry?

A snowstorm and the fact it’s the Yuletide season weighs on Tom’s conscience in The Night Before Christmas (1941). For the first time in the characters’ history (short as it was at this point), they show that, deep down, they care about each other. It adds depth to them.

Tom, you see, was smugly satisfied he tricked Jerry out of the house. But the sound of a snowy windstorm makes him concerned for the mouse’s fate. He gently allows a way for him to get back into the warm home. There’s a brilliant use of non-sound here. There’s a brief period of silence to emphasize the fact that nothing is happening; Jerry is not coming back inside. It signals something is wrong.



Tom investigates. He does a head-shake shock take. Jerry has become a mouse-cream bar. Look at how well Bill Hanna and Joe Barbera use colour. Scott Bradley plays a reedy version of “Silent Night” in the background.



Tom shakes the snow of Jerry and, like a rotisserie, warms him up. Check out the shading here. Again, a marvellous use of colour.



Of course, Jerry is going to be okay and the two become friends for Christmas.

This is a wonderfully expressive cartoon from start to finish. The watercoloured backgrounds are terrific. Quite rightfully, this short was nominated for an Oscar.

Swallow the Presents

As “Jingle Bells” jumps along in the background, Santa drops presents from his airborne sleigh in the 1932 Terrytoon Toyland.

My favourite part is how a chimney grows hands and a face, “swallowing” the present and then waving thanks to St. Nick.



The gift doesn’t look like it tastes very good, does it?

The cartoon’s pretty ordinary to me but Film Daily, in its edition of December 10, 1932, called it “a pip”:

A swell cartoon for the Holiday season. A Paul Terry-Toon that is one of the best of this popular line. There is a funny li'l pup as the hero that they ought to be able to build up to the popularity of Mickey Mouse. He's that cute. The Pup has a visit from Santa Claus, and the little kittens, his guests, grab the presents and have a wonderful time. One clever sequence shows all the characters of the Nursery Rhymes coming down the chimney and doing their stuff. The kids should go nuts over this one. A natural for the Holidays that you're a sucker to overlook.

Sorry, Film Daily, but the pup didn’t quite reach Mickey’s heights.

Santa Comes Down Your Radio

A snowstorm of Christmas shows repeated every year greets TV viewers at this time of year. The practice didn’t start with television; it goes back to the days of network radio.

So it was that Amos told Arbadella about the meaning of Christmas December after December. And other shows did the same kind of thing. Jack Benny didn’t repeat his Christmas shows. Instead, he took the “buying presents” plot and reworked it, although some of the same lines found themselves into the script for several years.

Here’s Herald Tribune syndicate columnist John Crosby from January 5, 1948 looking back at Christmas repeats. The Allen and Morgan Christmas shows of which he speaks should be available on-line. Morgan gave his listeners a tale of greedy kids and a cautionary message of being careful about what one wished for. Allen focused on how people didn’t treat each other according to the Golden Rule; they were paranoid and selfish instead.

RADIO IN REVIEW
Footnote on Christmas
By JOHN CROSBY
Every year at Christmas time I find it interesting to watch the nation's radio comedians approach with a sort of seasonal diffidence the problem of Santa Claus. Here they are confronted with a legend that can't be dismissed with a wisecrack like high prices or Vishinsky. Santa is a serious subject and must be dealt with reverently by a bunch of people who spend the rest of the year being irreverent about everything else.
I think the comedians grapple with the problem rather successfully or else I have been so overwhelmed with the benign spirit of Christmas that I think these Christmas skits are better than they are. Once the comedian has struggled with and mastered the inflexibilities of Santa Claus, he never changes so much as a syllable. Like children we are told the same stories every year. In fact these traditional Christmas programs are the only really sensible programs to review because if you miss them this year, you can catch them next year or the year after that. (Just carry this around in your pocket all year long.)
All of these Santa Clauses, it ought to be noted, differ greatly in personality and even in character. As in the many biographies of Lincoln, the portrayals reveal a good deal more about the authors (or the actors) than they do about the subject. Every year, for example, Fred Allen plays a Santa Claus who goes on strike because he has been treated so badly in the past. This Santa is a rugged, outspoken, acid, and, on the whole, bitter old gentleman who appears to have examined the Christmas tradition critically and found that the people of the world weren't really worth all the fuss. This is easily the most daring and natural of the radio's Santa Clauses and perhaps the children better not be exposed to him until they are about fourteen. The kids, I think, will find the Allen Santa rather charming though unexpected but they may look at the rest of us with some dismay after hearing the Allen grievances.
Henry Morgan has now twice told the same story at Christmas time which, he explained, automatically made the program a tradition. In his story, a couple of kids lobbied through Congress a bill making Christmas a daily rather than a yearly event. The Morgan Santa Claus is a defeated, wistful, rather seedy old gentleman of whom everyone is heartily tired. He reminds me of some of the aging and no longer sought-after actors who hang around The Lambs and tell you about the time they played with Jack Barrymore. Perhaps you'd better keep the children from this one entirely.

The funniest and easily the most charming of the annual Santa Claus stories is told every year by Ozzie and Harriet, or more particularly by Ozzie. (Harriet doesn't really believe in Santa Claus and has only a fond but rather dim faith in her husband.) Ozzie's Santa Claus clings to the established order. He's a hearty, merry old soul of illimitable generosity who, while he lacks the grandeur of the Allen Santa and the clarity of the Morgan Santa, is altogether satisfactory for children of all ages. The only disturbing characteristic of this Santa Claus is the fact that he blew into the Nelson household a couple of days before Christmas to check up on things. If Santa Claus is going to go tramping around the country all year round, it'll be a terrible job getting the kids to bed at any time of the year.
In addition to the regulars, a new entrant has come into the lists — the department store Santa Claus in "Miracle on 34th Street" — which was presented on Lux Theatre. Some instinct tells me he will be back again next year and all the other years like "White Christmas". Frankly, I'd rather reserve judgment on this one till next year or possibly the year after. A man can't be expected to offer a really rounded appraisal on just one performance.

Drop It! Drop It!

“Kiss the little birdie,” says Granny to Sylvester, holding a piece of mistletoe above Tweety. I like Sylvester’s expressions.



And there’s the familiar “Drop it!” from Granny as she tries to spank Tweety from Sylvester’s stomach.



Art Davis, Gerry Chiniquy, Virgil Ross and Manny Perez are the animators for Friz Freleng in what may be Warner Bros.’ best Christmas cartoon, Gift Wrapped. It’s certainly my favourite of the bunch.

Bea Benaderet is Granny here and Daws Butler was brought in to do some opening narration to set up the plot before disappearing.

Opening Night

Santa Claus and his reindeer open the Van Beuren cartoon Opening Night, the debut short for Cubby Bear.



The jolly old elf pours the Christmas gift of stars from his bag. They form a lit marquee for New York’s Roxy RKO Theatre.



Santa and the Christmas season now disappear entirely from the cartoon.

So why were they there in the first place? Simple. The cartoon was designed to run on the opening night of the real RKO Roxy, which took place on December 29, 1932. A little late for Santa, true, but this is a Van Beuren cartoon, after all.

The print that ran at the Roxy was hand-coloured by Gustav Brock.

He's Walking

It’s a bit of an overstatement to say everything Jack Benny touched turned to ratings, but there was a time when he sure helped. And we’re not talking about his own show.

Jack made guest appearances on a number of radio shows—Fred Allen’s may be the most memorable—but his presence on one particular programme helped a widow and the American Heart Fund. That’s when Jack was the Walking Man on Truth or Consequences (to the right you see host Ralph Edwards and Benny).

Benny was revealed as the Walking Man after a correct answer on the March 6, 1948 edition of Edwards’ stunt show. You can read a very excellent time frame on Martin Grams’ blog. Two days before a widow from Chicago named Florence Hubbard blurted out Benny’s name to Edwards, speculation ran through a newspaper column in the United Press.

HEY, JACK BENNY! DON'T SAY YOU'RE THE WALKING MAN
By ALINE MOSBY
United Press Hollywood Correspondent
HOLLYWOOD, March 4. — The suspicion that he might be "the Walking Man" dawned upon Jack Benny today. It isn't anything definite... but, uh, he's been thinking about it and, well, there have been a few things.
Benny has something in common with 2,000,000 Americans. They've been thinking "the Walking Man" over, too, since he began to clop his feet and make noises on Ralph Edwards' "Truth or Consequences?' NBC radio show. [Mr. Edwards' show is heard at 8:30 P.M. Saturdays and Benny is heard on the same station at 7 P. M. Sunday.]
Guess who the feet belong to, and you collect $22,000 worth of loot. This includes the usual car trailer, houseful of furniture, trip to Sun Valley, diamond watch, coat, etc.
Every Saturday night Edwards phones three people who've written the best letters on why they sent in money for the American Heart Association.
Heifitz, Fidler or Devine
To date the show has collected than 2,000,000 letters and than a million bucks—an all-time radio record.
For seven weeks unhappy guessers have made wild stabs at names like Louis B. Mayer and President Truman. Folks were in the lying-awake-nights stage—until last Saturday's noise clue. A squeaky violin.
We called up a guy who owns such a violin. Who, we inquired, did he figure 'the Walking Man' might be?
Bing Bong Bell
"It might be me," he reflected.
"No!" we said.
"Yeah," said Benny. "You know, people have been stopping me on the street and writing letters asking me if I'm the Walking Man. The boys on my show have mentioned it, too.
"Oh, and Mary said something about it. I suppose we should have put the clues together, but we never listen to the program. We're usually out on Saturday nights. We haven't paid much attention to it, frankly."

If Benny had, he might've figured out the riddle Edwards repeats like this:
"Bing bong bell church bells (Benny's program is on Sunday).
"It's ten and only one can tell" (tenth alphabet letter J is for Jack).
"The master of the metropolis fits his name quite well" (Benny is the master of his radio-show valet, Rochester. That's the name of a metropolis in New York).
Are You Or Aren't You
Benny might also discover the horse-and-gunfire sounds on "the Walking Man" show could indicate his motto "Buck Benny Rides Again!" The Walking Man played Auld Lang Syne on the trumpet, too. Jack's last movie, he might recall, was "The Horn Blows at Midnight."
The mysterious gent also whistled "Annie Laurie" which begins, "Maxwellton Braes Are Bonnie." Benny's jalopy is a Maxwell. And the cat's wail could signify what violin strings are made of.
"Come to think of it, I have been doing a lot of walking on my program lately. Mentioned 'The Horn Blows st Midnight,' too," said Benny.
We said: "Well, are you or aren't you the walking man?
"Hmmmmmmm," said Benny.

The Don'ts of Bullwinkle

There are a few things in television which continue to linger from the days of old time radio. One of them is executive skittishness.

It’s impossible to not offend someone. Anything offends somebody. Yet people with large salaries in huge offices with big mahogany desks at the networks cower in fear that someone will get upset about something on the air for the most ridiculous reason, so they try to placate them by imposing the most idiotic restrictions.

Such things lead producers, stars and other creative people to say “Are you kidding?”

Among those people were Jay Ward and Bill Scott. When their Bullwinkle Show went into prime time in 1961, they were told to be irreverent—except when it came to a whole barrage of things. Here they are musing about it in a column from November 3, 1961.

'Bullwinkle' Has Problems
By HANK GRANT
Hollywood — The voice of "Bullwinkle Moose," Bill Scott, looked at his partner, Jay Ward, and teased: "If I really sound like Red Skelton, I should get more money out of this operation!"
The remark had been prompted by just one of the headaches incumbent on Jay Ward Productions since "The Bullwinkle Show" debuted several weeks ago on NBC-TV as a primetime Sunday feature directly preceding "Walt Disney's Wonderful World of Color." Just hours before we'd sat down to split a hamburger with the enterprising pair, word had reached them that Red Skelton was quite upset because many people were making bets that the "Bullwinkle" voice was actually Red's, the specific one he uses for his "Clem Kadidlehopper" character.
A foot shorter than his partner, Ward does all the tall talking, while Scott nods agreement, a relationship that reminded us of the police partners in the "Car 54, Where Are You?" series.
All Don'ts
"It's kind of funny when you think that we had no problems when we had a daytime show ("Rocky and His Friends"). Nobody bothered us about anything. For instance, the Bullwinkle voice was the same on the Rocky series — no complaints. We go big time with Bullwinkle and the first thing that happens is an eight-page list of Don'ts! from the sponsors—not a single Do. If we adhered to that nutty list, we wouldn't be able to say much more than Hello on our show.

"Everybody's a censor anticipating what might offend the public. To give you an idea of how wrong sponsors can be, they wanted us to eliminate our 'Dudley Doright' character (a Royal Canadian 'do wrong' mountie) because it might offend Canadians. Well, the show was offered to the government-controlled Canadian Broadcasting Company and they turned it down because we had Russian spies in Bullwinkle and they didn't want anything that might offend Moscow. Not a murmur of protest about 'Dudley.' You figure that one; we can't!
PTA Recommendation
"Then the network, even before we went on the air for the first time, suggested we eliminate our Fractured Fairy Tales segments because it would confuse children who took as gospel the original stories. It's satire, we screamed, and kids are more hep to satire than adults. So they let up keep it on and what happens? The Parent Teachers Association national magazine falls over backwards to heartily recommend our show for kiddies!
"Now we've got another headache. We can't satirize American idols like the Wright Brothers, Daniel Boone and Paul Revere. Especially, and man did they lay the law down to us on this, we can't caricature American presidents, living or dead. Satire, we scream, especially in a cartoon, isn't necessarily ridicule. Satire must have recognizable identity to be appreciated. But they shouted us down. It's okay, though, if we satirize foreign heroes like Napoleon, Pasteur or Lafayette! I sometimes wonder if it's just a few people without a sense of humor, but in positions of authority, who are making it seem as if our country at large has lost its sense of humor.
"Now, we lead into the Disney show, right? So we plug Disney by kidding him. People—maybe it's just one anonymous postcard—put the rap on us for this and a couple of frightened ad agency or network executives start making 'nyet' noises. But, you know, Disney has yet to say Boo? I'll bet he's even pleased! Maybe we should forget about the 10 million dollars we expect to make on this show and find an easier way to make a living."
"Me," said Scott, breaking his long silence with his "Bullwinkle" voice, "I can always go to work for Red Skelton!"