They Can't Stand Him Because...

It started out as a parody and turned out to be a gold-mine of publicity.

By 1945, radio was full of “I like name-of-product because” contests where listeners wrote, in 25 words or less, why they were so excited about something they bought at the store. It was a cliché.

Jack Benny and his writers decided to turn it around.

Jeanne Yount of the Oregon Daily Journal of Dec. 30, 1945 put it well:

Jack the Reaper
Jack Benny made one of the best buys in the business when he offered $10,000 in prizes in the recently concluded can't stand Jack Benny because" contest. In return for a sum not very large in comparison to the program's weekly package price of $25,000 he received countless free plugs on other shows, additional listeners according to Hooper's audience ratings and material for several weeks' scripts. According to Variety, the contest idea was submitted by Jack's writers in half-earnest fashion and it was the comedian himself who saw its possibilities.

Writer George Balzer gave credit to Benny for coming up with the phrase “can’t stand.”

We visited the contest in this blog post some years back. Let’s re-visit it again.

Ed Sullivan was a long-time Benny fan. He opened his column in the Daily News on December 12 with:

Lucille Ball’s entry in the “I can’t stand Jack Benny: sweepstakes gave Jack his biggest chuckle: “I can’t stand Jack benny because he beat me out in the femme role in ‘Charlie’s Aunt’ four years ago proving he’s so money-mad he’d even play a woman’s part in order to make a few cents.”

Three days earlier, Ben Gross of the same paper reported more than 30,000 entries had been received.

Newspapers, of course, mentioned the Benny show in its radio highlights column, some with mentions of the plot along with the contest. Some also put squibs about the contest in their radio column. I imagine some were provided by the network. The Burley Bulletin of Burley, Idaho provided a quote in its issue of Dec. 18. It didn’t come from an actual broadcast, that I can find.

“The boss doesn’t know whether to be flattered or insulted by all this mail,” say[s] Rochester. “I keep telling him and telling him that even though the letters say they can’t stand him it doesn’t necessarily represent their true opinions. After all, some people will do anything for money.”

While the column jokes about it, Don Trantor in the Buffalo Courier-Express of Dec. 9 had this to say:

Although Jack Benny’s new contest, wherein he offers $10,000 in Victory Bonds for the wittiest completions of the sentence, "I can't stand Jack Benny because—,” is strictly on the level and all in a spirit of fun, we’ll wager there’ll be many a note received from irate listeners telling the comedian what they actually dislike about him or his program.
We say this not of Benny as an individual, but of all radio comedians who have been on the air for a long time and reach millions of ears each week. They’re bound to displease a certain percentage of the audience and cranks thereof always jump on an opportunity like the above to vent their feelings.

Irving Fein wrote in his biography of Jack that only three anti-Semitic letters were received. Fein also noted:

One answer that judge Fred Allen did a doubletake on was: “I can’t stand Jack Benny because he helped build up Fred Allen, and him I can’t stand.”

The venerable Newsweek magazine had a little story about the contest in its Dec. 24 issue.

“I can’t stand Jack Benny because my uncle likes him and I can’t stand my uncle.”
“I can’t stand Jack Benny because with those who know Jack Benny best it’s Fred Allen two to one.”
These are samples of the 300,000-odd letters, wires, and records that have deluged the Los Angeles postoffice since Dec. 2. The reason: the latest contest in what is rapidly becoming, again, a contest-mad nation. The rules are simple an inviting as plugged on Benny’s Sunday night show (NBC, 7-7:30 p.m., EST). In 50 words or less—the usual 25-word limit was discarded as too restricting—complete the sentence: “I can’t stand Jack Benny because . . .” The prizes total $10,000 in Victory Bonds, with the funniest entry squeezing bonds worth $2,500 out of Benny—or more accurately, out of his sponsor, the American Tobacco Co.
The contest was born in the buzzing brains of Benny’s gag writers, on the hunt for giggles. But even they were surprised when Benny took such wholesale self-derision seriously and screamed: “This is sensational, let’s do it.” Proof of Benny's perspicacity is the heaviest contest mail in the history of Los Angeles, the hurried plans of other sponsors for a return to the Why-I-Like days, and a round robin of plugs for Benny from a multitude of other entertainers.
The youngest contestant so far is aged 4, the oldest 103. But: only a handful of letter writers have been seriously nasty and vitriolic.
Out of Pocket: The contest, which runs through Dec. 24, has three carefully qualified judges: Goodman Ace, for his knowledge of humor, Peter Lorre, for his mastery in handling weird jokes, and Fred Allen, for obvious reasons. Judge Allen confided to Newsweek: I am the greatest living authority on Jack Benny. I have seen him reach for his pocketbook. No other living American can make that statement. I have known Jack Benny, man and boy, for 80 years. He was born a man and matured into a boy.”
Asked what he would say, could he enter, Allen cracked: “I can’t stand Jack Benny because with his legs that look like two nasturtium stems he can hardly stand himself, and if Mr. Benny can’t stand himself, why should I try?” As for Benny, he is glowing under the abuse. The only jar to his happiness: It is costing him about $4 a day, to make up due postage.

Other people took advantage of the contest for their own publicity. To the right, you see trade unionists upset at Benny’s sponsor, American Tobacco, picketing outside NBC at Sunset and Vine.

One place the Jack Benny character nostalgically assured his audience they loved him was St. Joe. It’s not surprising, then, the St. Joseph Gazette put the contest on the front page. This is from Dec. 31.

The imaginary statue of Jack Benny that stood in the Civic Center since last summer has disappeared—all but the ears.
When the time comes for the spirit of Jack Benny to leave this weary world that he tried so hard to amuse, the man should leave something to the city treasury for all the gags he has been able to extract from two short visits to St. Joseph. It is reported that the radio comedian pays gag writers big money for ideas.
Last night the city was publicized nationally again in connection with the convulsing feature of the Benny program of the last several weeks in which he offered to divide a sizeable chunk of his wealth with those persons who would write him a letter and finish a sentence beginning: “I can't stand Jack Benny because—”
Jack and his wife, Mary Livingston, were knee deep in letters during last night broadcast and Miss Livingston remarked casually that “there are 48,000 letters from St. Joe."
“That can’t be!” protested Jack. “They love me there. They put up a granite statue to me last summer."
“Well, they're sending it to you in pieces," Mary remarked, "a piece in each letter. Listen to what this letter says: “We are sending back all of Mr. Benny's statue except the ears—we're saving them for bird baths."

We’ll leave the final word on the subject to Carroll P. Craig, Sr., the winner of the contest. Ronald Colman read the entry on the Benny show of February 3, 1946. “You know, Benita,” Colman remarked, “maybe this fellow is right. The things we find fault with in others are the same things we tolerate in ourselves.”

I can't stand Jack Benny because
He fills the air with boasts and brags
And obsolete, obnoxious gags.
The way he plays his violin
Is music's most obnoxious sin.
His cowardice alone, indeed
Is matched by his obnoxious greed.
And all the things that he portrays
Show up my own obnoxious ways.