Think With Bob and Ray

1960 was a good year and a bad year for Bob and Ray.

It was bad because CBS dumped their 15-minute Monday through Friday radio show on June 24th, replacing it with reporter Ron Cochran conducting interviews with people in the news. And critics panned their April 7th TV special where the two hopped around New York City nightclubs, with interruptions by Mike Wallace.

It was good because they released an LP of comedy sketches to favourable reviews. And, even if network radio didn’t like their humour, critics did.

Here’s the New York Daily News TV and radio column of April 27th. “Dr. Stanton” refers to the president of the network. The gag is Frank Stanton was not a medical doctor so he wouldn’t make house calls anyway.

Radio Has Its Virtues If Only Bob & Ray
By KAY GARDELLA
People reckless enough to interview Bob and Ray—Bob Elliott and Ray Goulding soon feel like a pigeon caught in a phenn game. If this sounds confusing, we've already proved out point.
The two comedians, stars of CBS Radio's nightly "Bob and Ray Show," act and look like sober, successful businessmen, until you start asking questions. "You'll have to excuse me," said Ray, a tall, elegant gent with a resonant voice. "I may not be at my best today—a crisis at home, you know. Our pet peeve was eaten by a giant slalom last night, and the kids. . . . well, they’re all broken up."
There was a glint of a tear in Ray's eyes, while Bob, medium-sized, sandy-haired and tweedy, clucked sympathetically. "This just doesn't seem to be our day,” No said. “Did you hear about the crisis here at CBS just half an hour ago? They have an emergency case in Studio 25 when Young Dr. Malone (a daytime serial) dropped his pince-nez during a delicate operation. They tried to reach Dr. Stanton, but he was out on a house call.
Adult Humor
This type of whimsical, irreverent humor, delivered in a dry, matter-of-fact tone, has gained innumerable fans for Bob and Ray among that rapidly growing number of people who prefer an adult type of comedy—comedy with a point of view, comedy with purpose, yet without a hard-sell "message."
Their radio program has a cast of dozens of weird and wonderful people—all portrayed by Messrs. Elliott and Goulding. Thus, it was no wonder a few weeks ago when exactly half of the cast suddenly had colds—Bob’s cold, to be exact. Among the most popular characters is Wally Ballou, a peerless special events reporter whose pompous nasal intonation is being imitated by kids all over the nation and whose remote broadcasts usually end in near disaster. Or take Kent Lyle Birdley, a has-been radio announcer of the Thirties now on his third come-back attempt; Mary McGoon, an elderly admirer of the two; or Webley Webster, a gruff, yet amiable gent with marbles in his mouth.
Inspire Boys' Leagues
These fanciful folk help to present some of the most off-beat features ever heard on the air. Take the "Bob and Ray Gourmet Club,” for example, a regular offering which takes listeners to a glittering affair where the “Mystery Celebrity Sandwich of the Month” is being unveiled. After a tension-filled period of anxious waiting, described by two ever-awed special events reporters, the sandwich is unwrapped amid fanfares and usually turns out to be a prosaic ham-on-rye.
To come back to the aforementioned phenn game, the boys recently invented this “ancient sport” which they claim originated in far-off Beluchistan. To their listeners they solemnly explained that “the old controversial outfield-in-phenn rule has been suspended by the 12-second double-rush period.” But, in true Bob and Ray fashion, they never got around to describing the game itself. The result was that college and high school boys who are among Bob and Ray's most loyal fans are now starting to organize phenn leagues, making up their own rules as they go along.
This brand of humor is possible only in radio, Bob and Ray explained. “On our show we can slip in and out of character in a moment, without a costume change,” Ray said, “and the glittering grandeur of our Gourmet Club would cost a fortune if we had to build a set." Added Bob: "But that doesn't mean we are neglecting television. We had our own TV series and have made many guest appearances on various programs. Before long, we will have a new animated cartoon series titled 'Bob and Ray’s Hollywood Classics,’ and are now working on a pilot film for it.”
Meanwhile, they’re also on radio and TV in various parts of the country by means of commercials, which they themselves produce—all beating the unmistakeable brand of Bob and Ray humor. Also, they have just put some of their funniest routines on a record album. "Bob and Ray on a Platter," which they hope will become a hit.

The animated cartoon series with Ed Graham, who co-owned their agency that provided commercials, didn’t come off. Here’s what the Associated Press had to say about their record. The column showed up in newspapers starting in mid-March.

Bob & Ray: Funny Business, Their Game
By HUGH A. MULLIGAN
AP Newsfeatures Writer
Who is Wally Ballou and what is he really like?
For the answer to this question turn to RCA Victor's "Bob and Ray on a Platter," another hilarious album of dead pan satire on broadcasting foibles by two of the funniest men alive.
You'll find Wally Ballou, mythical man with a mike, interviewing a cranberry grower who didn't know cranberries can served as cranberry sauce with turkey or crushed into cranberry juice. In the background, sirens wail, shots ring out, people go screaming and rushing about, but Wally Ballou doggedly sticks to the business at hand, probing the cranberry bogs for pithy quotes.
You’ll also meet Bubby Burkhouse, describing the between halves color of a Saturday afternoon televised football game. "Gee, it's a thrill to be here," he begins, while down the field boys riding elephants and antique automobiles signal the start of the half-game festivities. Soon a dirigible, made by the science department, appears overhead and 1,100 ROTC students bail out in parachutes made by the sewing department in the old school colors.
Bob and Ray also bring you a radio sports and weather show, sponsored by Rudy and Irma's Dance Studio, that gets so bogged down in commercials time runs out before they can give the other half of the Ohio State score.
Expertly satirizing Ed Murrow's "Person to Person," Ted Malone's poetry reading sessions, TV Westerns and TV program awards, Bob and Ray are in the groove all the way, delivering 40 minutes of deftly executed mimicry and satire that beats anything else around today.

It appears Bob and Ray sent out gag mailers to newspapers to get publicity (Jay Ward Productions did the same thing around this time). We’ve transcribed a few of them before. Here’s one picked up by The Atlanta Journal on January 30, 1960. It looks like the two were anticipating the 1-900 phone numbers of the ‘90s.

Bob, Ray Plan Thought of the Month Club
Bob and Ray will shortly establish the Bob and Ray Thought of the Month Club (BARTOTMC).
This new service of the Bob and Ray Enterprises Co., Inc., will supply thoughts for all occasions on a subscription basis to people whose busy schedules prevent them from cerebral exercising.
Under the slogan, "Leave the Thinking to Us," BARTOTMC will ship five thoughts a month, plus a free bonus thought every three months, to its subscribers with the guarantee that unused thoughts may be returned after 10 days.
TWO GROUPS of thoughts, couched in attractive language and produced by a trained staff, will be available.
One, in a lower price range, will consist of easy-going conversational-type thoughts (Group A Plan); the other, at a slightly higher fee, will comprise high-level, provocative thoughts (Group B).
If desired, the two plans may be intermixed.
Following are some thoughts which will become available beginning next February:
Group A:
"I think it’s not the heat, but the humidity.”
“I think it’s impossible."
“I think I need a haircut.”
“I think it’s a shame.”
“I think I go home.”
GROUP B:
“I think that true reality, expressing itself through all things, is a blind impelling force which manifests itself in individuals as a will to live.”
“I think that instrumentalism holds that various modes and forms of human endeavor are instruments developed by man to solve his problems.”
“I think that objective reality is known only insofar as it conforms to the essential structure of the human mind.”
“I think that, in the mechanics of relativity, the mass of a particle is determined by assuming that the actions of a system of particles do not change the total momentum with respect to a given system.”
SUBSCRIBERS to the Combined Group A and B Plans have a choice of either any three (3) of Group A and any two (2) of Group B; or any four (4) of Group A and any one (1) of Group B, plus an extra bonus thought every two (2) months.
Members of the Group A plan have the privilege of purchasing individual Group B thoughts at nominal fees.
Eventually, Bob and Ray plan to establish the Bob and Ray Thought of the Month Club Emergency Telephone Service (BARTOTMCETS) which will supply instantaneous, personalized thoughts at all hours.

1960 became 1961, and Bob and Ray carried on, though not on CBS. They continued to make appearances on Monitor on NBC radio, and hosted a Thanksgiving TV special on ABC. And one station continued to repeat Bob and Ray routines twice every weekday—CJBC, the CBC station in Toronto.