Grey Hair on Red's Gags

Red Skelton? Sorry, I’ll take a pass.

On radio, he played an obnoxious child. I don’t find obnoxious children amusing. He played loud dopes. I dislike loud dopes. On television, he could piously bleat “God bless” at the end of his show, but filled the stage with the foulest language during warm-ups.

Skelton could be quick and clever, though. I’ve heard him ad-lib on a couple of Jack Benny radio shows and he was very funny.

Herald Tribune syndicate critic John Crosby wasn’t crazy about Skelton, but for another reason. He clearly explains in this somewhat acidic review dated September 23, 1946.

IN REVIEW
Skelton Dusts Off Old Ones
By JOHN CROSBY.
NEW YORK, Sept 23.—Red Skelton, who has reappeared over the National Broadcasting Company network (10.30 p.m. EDT Tuesdays), presented recently several sketches from what he refers to as "The Skelton Scrapbook of Satires". It's quite a scrapbook and should bring back vivid personal memories to any one over 102.
The first of these precious, yellowing sketches to be unhooked from Mr. Skelton's scrapbook was about a character named Clem Cadiddlehopper, whose opening remark is: "Wull, here uh am, huh, huh."
Clem needs a haircut. "Uh could wait till Spring", he says. "Don't know, though. Three times muh mother had to buy muh back from the dog-catcher. Huh huh." The barber gives him an estimate on the job $1.50 for both heads. "How come the price is going up", asks Clem. "Hair go-in' up these days? Huh huh."
Then we were introduced to Cousin Sarah who says "Howdy, Clem" in those slow, lugubrious tones that were the trademark of stage rustics from the early 1880's until Weber and Fields put it in mothballs around 1911.
"Head comes to a point, don't it?" says Cousin Sarah, after agreeing to cut Clem's hair. "How did it get that way?"
"By giving directions to tourists with both hands full, huh huh, says Clem.
"What's that tattoo on your chest?"
"That ain't no tattoo. That's muh laundry mark. Muh mother sends muh out in one piece to save money. Huh, huh."
When Cousin Sarah finishes the haircut, Clem inquires: "How come one side's shorter than the other?"
"Uh couldn't help it. The floor slants."
"Oh! For a minute uh thought one laig was shorter than the other."
The last time I heard that sketch, or one very like it, was in a tent show many, many years ago. Even then the satire was a little misty around the edges. Village idiots were no longer very numerous and weren't considered as funny as they had been in 1885. Even the rustic Cousin Sarah seemed a little improbable since by then most of the rustics got to town at least once a week in their Model Ts.
Still, I was just a boy then and I found it hilarious. But time passes and tastes change. I found myself wondering idly why Mr. Skelton feels called on to satirize the 1880's when there are so many other things crying out for satire. Maybe, I thought, he's satirizing the tent shows. It seems hardly worth while for his nationally known talents. There are so few tent shows left and those remaining are immune to time, jibes and the radio.
In another satire, Mr. Skelton played his "mean widdle kid" character, certainly one of the most obnoxious brats ever created, who goes to the barbershop and shaves off a customer's eyebrows while the barber is on the telephone.
That transported me up into the more recent past. First time I saw that sketch—or "satire" as Mr. Skelton labels it—was in a Mack Sennett comedy in the early 1920s. Harold Lloyd or Ben Turpin— some one like that—was in it and I thought it as awfully funny then.
Well, it was fun rummaging in the attic with Mr. Skelton, but somehow I like my satire more up to date. How about a satire on Daddy and Peaches Browning, Red? Or the Teapot Dome scandal, or the Hall-Mills case, or Queen Marie's visit to the United States? Let's get on top of the news, Red.

Crosby took aim at a couple of other comedies in that week’s bunch of reviews. He isn’t impressed with Rudy Vallee and the Mad Russian in his September 24th column, and wanted more structure in Victor Borge’s show. Don Ameche is his target on September 27th, while the issue before he looks at a CBS preview broadcast which would appeared to have included Arthur Q. Bryan doing his Elmer Fudd voice. The Sept. 25 column involves a local station news commentator.