Saving Money the Benny Way

Last week, we reprinted an article about Jack Benny from a weekend newspaper magazine of November 2, 1958. Here’s an indication how popular Jack was—the same magazine had another feature story about him the following weekend.

Here, Jack is in character doing a cheapskate advice routine. We suspect it was penned by one of his writers.

Penny For My Thoughts?
BY JACK BENNY
I am not what is known as a voluble man, but concerning certain subjects I seldom find myself at a loss for words. I consider myself an authority on antique cars, valets, violin solos and money. The last has always appealed to me especially the problem of keeping it.
Along these lines, I have formed a certain set of operating procedures which I will be happy to pass along.

Capricious buying should be avoided at all—you’ll pardon the expression—cost. Never, in a weak moment, allow yourself to purchase something on a whim. This may prove difficult for the neophyte, as all the guile and craftiness of merchants are directed at just such weak-willed persons. Signs and advertisements drip with sentimental suggestions like Buy your sweetheart a box of Goodie Chocolate.
It's The Thought
A nice card and a candy bar will serve just as well. After all, it’s not the money but the thought which counts, and a card and a candy bar makes you properly sentimental without overdoing it.
Never pick up luncheon or dinner checks at a restaurant, club, or night spot. And I mean that literally. Once I picked up a check out of simple curiosity. I had no intention of paying it, but by the time I had added the figures everyone had gone and I had to pay or wash the dishes. If I’d had my rubber gloves along I think I’d have chosen the dishes.
Now from time to time, even if you follow the above advice, someone will push a check toward you. At this point, you have several possible courses of action. Providing you haven’t drunk your glass of water you can knock it over, and in attempting to dry out the tablecloth, once again push the check across the table.
At times this is impractical, for instance if the table is slanting toward you. However, suddenly remembering you must make a telephone call can extricate you from such a position, as can a sudden desire for cigarets, a newspaper, or a just-remembered appointment, to which you must rush.
Only Showoffs Pay
I would like to make it perfectly clear that I am not cheap. It’s just that I detest ostentation in anyone, particularly myself. Check grabbers are such showoffs.
Another difficult situation a man may find himself facing is how to avoid paying for a round of drinks at his golf club. I have found that by being a step or two behind my friends someone always pays for the first round. The second is fought over and the third, etc., until everyone but me has paid.
That pretty well takes care of the ground rules for thrift involving outright expenditures. The delicate, subtle ways of saving money is what separates the men from the boys. However, I haven’t time to go into such detail, so I will leave you with my slogan for thrift, A Penny Saved Is a Penny Earned.