Tips on Tipping

There are only so many ways a star can promote their show before they look at a new way of doing it.

At one point, Jack Benny was appearing on two shows—his own, and then occasionally guesting on another CBS TV broadcast called “Shower of Stars” (ostensibly, the hosts were Bill Lundigan and Mary Costa, who spent most of their time plugging Chryslers). One of the newspapers giving Jack publicity for his appearances on Stars was the New York Herald Tribune, which gave short shrift to the show itself. Instead, the story was really a joke column playing on Benny’s reputation (on the air, not off) of going out of his way to avoid spending money.

This tongue-in-cheek piece ran on October 2, 1955. The photos with this post accompanied the article, though I don’t believe Ben Hogan appeared on the Stars show in question.

Take A Tip From Me . . . (if you can!)
By JACK BENNY
I realize that I have gained quite a reputation throughout the entertainment world, not only as a great actor, but also as a very economical person. This reputation still exists even though my income has been increased this year with a new television series, the “Shower of Stars” programs, which starts this Thursday night. I am doing five hour-long programs for my new sponsor in addition to my regular Sunday night television series.
I must admit that this legend is exaggerated as most legends are. Words get twisted as stories are retold, and somehow a great many people have the idea that I am stingy. That hurts. I’m not what you would call stingy, I just like to see good care taken of money.
Word has gotten around to waiters all over the country, and I have really been getting the business, come tip time. I think it’s wonderful, the game they play. First they tell me out of the corners of their mouths about a customer who just left a 50 cent tip and how they hate such a tightwad. Then as the soup is served, they begin looking under my plate and in the neighborhood of my elbow to give the idea that they haven’t forgotten. Eventually, after I have successfully ignored such childishness, they bring the change from my bill in nothing but quarters. The theory is that no one would want to go around with all that jangling silver weighting them down. Occasionally one will go so far as to say, “The management frowns on tipping, but like it,” or “I’m not greedy, I’ll settle for 10 per cent.”

Of course, none of these underhanded tactics makes the slightest impression on me because I just don’t like to leave tips. I smile and tell them I’ll get them the next time I come in. Another trick I use is to let them see me slip a dollar under the plate, then slip it out when they aren’t looking and leave in a hurry. They think the bus boy stole the buck and I get away with that for awhile. My best trick though is to wait until the waiter begins looking for his tip, and then ask him if I can borrow a fiver until next Tuesday. That one usually sends them running for cover.
The practice of tipping began innocently enough. It started back in the days of the old Romans when patrons used to leave a little wine in the bottom of each glass for the waiter to enjoy. This kind of tipping wasn’t bad. It made the waiters very happy . . . sometimes so happy that they weren’t in any condition to work the rest of the day. Before long, restaurant managers saw the faults in this system and encouraged their waiters to wheedle money out of the customers instead of wine. I have always contended that liquor led to bad habits, and this is proof of it, I think.
Tipping is too much trouble, anyway. For instance, your check is $2.35 plus eight cents tax. The question is; should your tip be 10% of the original bill, or 10% of the bill including tax? As I saw, it’s too much trouble to figure that out every time I leave a tip. I’d rather save myself the trouble and the money and forget the whole matter.
I could go on and on with reasons why I think that tipping should be abolished. But I think my own experience should convince you. Since I gave up tipping my mind has been completely at ease. Hat check girls used to irritate me. I stopped tipping them, and stopped wearing a hat. Now I not only save the money I would be tipping them, but I save the price of a new hat each year. I cut out tipping delivery boys by buying everything at a cash-and-carry store. I’m not bothered by the bell-boys or door-men when I’m in New York since the hotel gave me my own private entrance. It’s sort of an iron grated stairway that leads up to my window on the 15th floor. But it’s private, except for the one time we had a fire.
You never know what harm you can do by leaving a tip. Let me tell you a story about my cousin Edgar who persists in this foolish practice. One day Edgar was feeling particularly flush, and tossed a quarter tip to a waiter in a Miami nightclub. The waiter made a bee-line over to the slot machine in the lobby and dropped the coin in the slot. He hit the jackpot. When he took his winnings home that night, his wife accused him of filching it from the cashbox, and he ended up on the receiving end of a French heel right between the eyes. He woke up in the hospital to face a grand larceny charge, divorce proceedings and a hospital bill for $393.20. All that because of a tip.
Doesn’t that give us food for contemplation?