When Jack Benny Didn't Need His Writers

Command Performance may be the best-known of several variety-request programmes put together stateside for airing on Armed Forces Radio during World War Two.

Movie and radio stars contributed to the war effort, with stage shows at military camps overseas and at home, taking part in Victory Bond and War Stamp drives, dropping in to the Hollywood Canteen, and appearing on Command Performance, Mail Call, Jubilee and other shows aimed specifically at servicemen and women far from home.

Among the stars was Jack Benny. He was a huge success on one Command Performance, as reported by the Newspaper Enterprise Association’s Hollywood columnist. This appeared in the Los Angeles Daily News on Oct. 17, 1944.

Benny ad lib tops Hope, Allen
Raise the hand of Jack Benny as the winner in the ad lib battle of the century. He left Fred Allen, Bob Hope and Jimmy Durante speechless. And that, brother, deserves a special Academy Oscar.
It happened at "Christmas Command Performance USA," Hollywood's Christmas present to Uncle Sam's armed forces overseas. It was the greatest radio show in history and we'll tell you all about it later. But right now you're going to hear how Benny mopped up the stage with Allen, Hope and Durante.
The four comics, plus Jerry Colonna and half a dozen other stars, were called back to the footlights immediately after the show for a group picture with the audience.
The Army photographer was slow adjusting his camera. Somebody had to say something. Hope finally started it with a crack about his profile which caught Benny and Allen flat-footed. There was a moment's pause and then Durante yelled out:
"Hey, you ushers. Stand erect and give this joint a little class."
The audience howled.
Benny still couldn't think of anything to say. Neither could Allen, so he started mugging. Jerry Colonna got a laugh by announcing, “I’m not going to say anything. I’m going to stay out of this. Benny, still at a loss for a smart crack, stuck his hat on his head crosswise and announced, “Well, at least I’ll LOOK funny.” The audience chuckled.
The army photographer was still adjusting his camera and the audience waiting expectantly to see who would score next.
Hope came through with a weak gag about Crosby. There was another few seconds of embarrassing silence. Benny and Allen squirmed. And then Benny let go. He reached into his pocket and pulled out the parking lot ticket for his automobile.
"I don't mind doing this show for free," he announced, "but who the h— is going to pay for this parking ticket?"
The audience roared, then applauded. Allen, Hope and Durante were speechless. They knew they were licked. The ad lib battle of the century was over. Benny grinned happily, the photographer took the picture and everybody went home.
As we started to say, "Christmas Command Performance USA" was the greatest radio show in history. Too bad, neighbor, but you'll never hear it. It was a 2-hour show recorded by the Armed Forces Radio Service for the boys and girls overseas. The record will be played in lonely command posts, mess halls and briefing rooms from the Palau Islands to the western front on Christmas Day.
Bob Hope did the master of ceremony chore. Starred on the show in addition to all the comics we've mentioned were W. C. Fields, Judy Garland, Danny Kaye, Kay Kyser and his orchestra, Dorothy Lamour, Frances Langford, Virginia O'Brien, Dinah Shore, Ginny Simms, Spencer Tracy, Spike Jones, Xavier Cugat, the Ken Darby chorus, Lee J. Cobb and Skippy Honeier [sic], with Ken Carpenter as announcer, Maj. Meredith Wilson conducting the GI orchestra and Sergeant Bob Welch holding the production reins.
Dinah sang "I'll Be Seeing You" and proved why she's a great GI and civilian favorite these days. Ginny sang “Amour.” Spike Jones’ orchestra murdered “Holiday for Strings” with those washboards and auto horns. Durante sang "I'm the Guy Who Holds the Mortgage on the Ranch That Has the Sheep That Supply the Wool for Lana Turner's Sweaters."
Allen and Benny bought each other 57 cent polkadot Christmas ties and in a department store routine, then sang “Jingle Bells,” accompanying themselves on the violin and banjo.
It was a billion dollars worth of talent. No sponsor could have afforded to have paid the bill. Everyone donated their time and talent for Uncle Sam's boys and girls. And it's a show they'll never forget.
Except for losing his ad lib battle with Benny, Hope was in rare form. Carpenter introduced him as "the guy who laid more eggs in the South Pacific than a B-25." His best gag was about a group of GIs in the South Pacific who didn't have a Christmas tree. So they decimated a hula girl. "They've got the only Christmas tree in the world," Hope cracked, "that can wiggle it’s a tinsel."

Yes, the broadcast exists and you can listen to it below.



The first Command Performance (according to the OTRR.org site) was broadcast on March 1, 1942. Jack’s first appearance was on the 12th show, which aired May 7, 1942. The announcer was Paul Douglas, one of Jack’s announcers in the Canada Dry days in 1932. Considering Pearl Harbor was the previous December, the military organised this series pretty quickly.

Below is the schedule for AEF shortwave stations from the first edition of the Army newspaper Yank, published June 17, 1942. This is before the AFRS radio stations were set up at bases overseas. It gives you the idea of the kind of radio shows the troops were hearing.