St. Joseph, Jack Benny and Cockatoos

The Benny-Allen feud wasn’t just for radio and motion pictures. The venue shifted to newspapers on occasion.

Fred Allen couldn’t resist getting in his phoney digs at Jack Benny whenever a reporter or columnist interviewed him. But when Benny announced he was going to St. Joseph, Missouri (“they love me there”), Allen plunked himself in front of his typewriter and went on the attack.

Here’s how it was recorded on the front page of the St. Joseph News-Press of February 13, 1945 (we can’t reproduce the photo with this story).

ALLEN FORECASTS DIRE THINGS . . . Fred Allen, Jack Benny's chum, has written to the St. Joseph Lions Club in regard to the approaching visit of Jack Benny. The letter follows:
"Am sorry to learn that St. Joe intends to lower its social status through planning a welcome for Mr. Benny.
"Mr. Benny was born in Chicago. The city has yet to live it down.
"Mr. Benny spent some time in Waukegan as a boy. The city has labored under a blight from which it has yet to recover.
"Mr. Benny later came to New York but was asked to leave about the same time Tammany received a similar request.
"Mr. Benny has spent some time in Hollywood and I understand tourist travel has declined 71 per cent.
"What effect his visit will have on St. Joe I am loath to venture. I trust that you will make him an honorary member of the St. Joseph Lions Club. Too bad he isn't coming in March. We could use that gag about ‘If Mr. Benny comes in as a ham he can go out as a lion.’”
Sincerely, FRED ALLEN.
Mr. Allen also sent the above photograph to be presented to Jack. The inscription reads, "For Jack Benny. If they loved you in St. Joe this means the end of a beautiful friendship. "P. S.: I played the Crystal Theater in St. Joe. Ask the manager how I went."

While Allen was joking with his long-time friend, it seems not everyone loved him in St. Joseph. The editors of both the News-Press and St. Joseph Union-Observer were Benny defenders against cranks and malcontents. This story comes the latter paper of February 16, when Jack and his troupe were still in the city.

The following episode was observed on one of the city bus lines. Four dear old ladies of uncertain age were en route to an all day bridge party, and were discussing the tables prizes, food, et ceteria.
While many of us are enthusiastic in our admiration of Jack Benny, we fear there are those who think differently.
During a pause one of the ladies remarked, "So Jack Benny is coming here to entertain us and it is costing him $20,000! He could do a lot more with all that money than to come here and make a monkey out of himself. Why don't he do something to bring the dear boys back home? If I had $20,000 to spend I bet I could do better than that."
An elderly man spoke up: "Well, lady, we have to do something to keep up the morale."
"Morale! Morale! Why don't we do something to hurry the end of this war and stop all this nonsense. Morale, indeed!"
"Well, lady," said this man, "you are going to waste this day at bridge and, I suppose, gossip and eating too much. Why don't you try the Red Cross? You could do a lot more to win the war down there than where you are going. And let me ask you this, have you been to the blood bank?"
Perhaps this man was talking out of turn, but to many of us who labor long hours and have to stand up going home from work it does seem that these women of leisure could be better employed. They might try making shirts for the men who are fighting our war.

This editorial is from the News-Press of August 20, 1945

Somehow we cannot get excited about the $10,000 damage suit filed by someone somewhere against Jack Benny.
Plaintiff asserts he suggested a free broadcast by Benny admitting blood donors, that Benny did not take up the idea then, but did use it in St. Joseph.
Jack Benny did not fill that Auditorium or arrange the manner in which it should be filled.
The St. Joseph committee debated days how best to arrange for admission. The committee decided on the blood donor plan and put it into effect. The committee had charge of all ticket distribution.
If Jack Benny has $10,000 to throw away over this legal aftermath of his visit to St Joseph may we offer the suggestion he send the money to the St Joseph committee? If the blood donor idea is worth $10,000, brothers and sisters, we believe we can promise on behalf of the committee the 10 grand will go to a worthy cause, such as providing a legal commission to devise ways and means of prohibiting senseless damage suits.

By the way, in case you’re wondering when Benny played St. Joe, it was the week of November 1, 1915. Variety’s weekly roundup of who-was-playing-where doesn’t mention the duo, but the News-Press published two days beforehand did.

AT THE CRYSTAL. "Happy’s Millions," presented by William Morrow and company, will be the feature of the new vaudeville bill opening at the Crystal for an engagement of a half week tomorrow. "Happy’s Millions" is a Western singing comedy playlet. The company comprises eight persons, among them a midget who plays the part of Cupid. The sketch has special scenery, a number of catchy musical numbers and abundant comedy. "Happy's Millions" has been presented in many vaudeville theaters of consequence in this country and England, and has been on the road steadily for more than fourteen years. Special settings and numerous electrical affects are required for the radium specter, billed as "vaudeville's latest mysterious creation." "Ten Minutes of Syncopation" is furnished in the violin and piano act of Benny and Woods, who play both classic and popular numbers. Bert Wheeler and company offer a comedy pantomime, "The Troubles of a Jitney Bus," and Weber and Fields present themselves in the role of "Broadway’s Youthful Prodigies.” Comedy moving pictures complete the bill.

Two weeks earlier, they played the second half of the week in Sioux Falls, South Dakota with Swain’s Cockatoos. It’s the same Swain who later had an act with cats and rats and earlier put one together with alligators. Let’s see bridge-playing busy-bodies tut-tut about them.