Miltie, March and Money

Milton Berle was network television’s first huge star. Starting in late 1948, vast sales of TV sets were credited to his Tuesday night show on NBC which was slowly adding affiliates as new stations were coming on the air.

Berle was the star of the Texaco Star Theatre which he had been hosting on radio to mixed reviews and audiences. Radio was never Berle’s forte. One of his short-lived ventures was a summer replacement show on CBS that was kind of an advice show with Berle’s hokey one-liners chucked in whenever possible.

Herald Tribune columnist John Crosby reviewed it and two other summer replacement shows in his column of July 10, 1946. Bob Sweeney was a well-thought of television director in later years but at the time he was in a comedy team with Hal March, noted more for The $64,000 Question than his acting. CBS gave them a show. The third replacement was a game show that was now on ABC after airing on the Mutual network. Break the Bank starred the overly-effervescent Bert Parks, who soon took his hype to another ABC radio show, Stop the Music. Break the Bank made the transition to television. It featured prize questions that a child of five could answer but adult game show contestants couldn’t, as Crosby notes.

Three New Radio Shows
At the outset of his new program, “Kiss and Make Up” (WABC 9 p. m. Mondays), Milton Berle went on at some length about his experiences at the beach.
“Honestly, the bathing suits these girls wear,” he said. “Midriff. All mid and no riff. The lifeguard has to rescue one girl from drowning. The girl screamed twice—once because he was drowning.”
That should give you some idea of Mr. Berle, who hasn’t changed a bit since his vaudeville days. In “Kiss and Make Up,” Mr. Berle plays judge in a sort of domestic relations court. On Monday night, a couple was brought before him both insisting that the other one snored so loudly that sleep was impossible.
“You mean he’s sleeping on the inside and snoring on the outside?” inquired Mr. Berle.
After a bit more of this patter, the couple are asked to kiss and make up, hence the title of the show. The program is supposed to be ad lib, but I have grave doubts about that. One woman complained that another woman heard her order liver on the party line and then rushed down and got the liver herself.
“I got her liver, but she got my gall,” said the other female. If that’s an ad-lib, I’m John J. Anthony. From where I sat I could see the beads of perspiration on the gag writer’s brow when he dreamed that up. I’m not a Milton Berle fan, but if you like puns, you’ll hear more in five minutes on this show than in an hour and a half of Eddie Cantor.
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Some time ago I remarked that a good comedian makes a half hour fly past while a poor one makes a half hour seem twice that long. I had another long half hour on Friday night, while listening to “Sweeney and March” on their new comedy act (WABC 8:30 p. m. Fridays). In this case I think the reason is that they crammed enough material into a half an hour to make two or three shows.
The program opened with one comedian talking the other one out of going to the seashore on his vacation and invites himself to go to the mountains. Then there is a sketch up in the mountains, the trip back from the mountains, and the half hour ended with another sketch about buying a used car. Any one of those sketches would have made a good half hour if treated with a little wit, but lumping them all together made the program seem endless. The program also presents Patsy Bolton, fourteen-year-old singer, who tripped through “Great Day” with a suavity far greater than her years.
As a sample of the humor on the Sweeney and March program I seem to have only one joke on my notes, though I’m sure they must have told more than that. Here it is:
“Can I get a prescription filled here.”
“Certainly not, this is a drug store.”
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If you want to make some easy money you might want to try to get on the “Break the Bank” program (WJZ, 9 p. m., Fridays). This is a new quiz show with a $1,070 top prize, but I advise against trying for the whole sum. It’s a cinch to make $200 or $300.
Some of the questions asked last Friday were: “What famous document proclaimed the independence of the United States?” “Who was first in peace, first in war and first in the hearts of his countrymen?” “What is the first love song you remember?” On that last question any love song that pops into your mind serves as an answer.
The jumbo question which would have won the contestant $1,070 was: “Where was the first atomic bomb exploded?” I thought every one had heard about the New Mexico test explosion, but the contestant apparently missed his newspaper that day. He retired from the program with just $10 for his previous answers.

As we’ve promised, we’ll give you the full week’s worth of Crosby’s columns. You can click on them to see them better. July 8, 1946 was about a drama starring Orson Welles on CBS. July 9th has Crosby nodding in affirmation at the cattiness of the Mutual programme Leave it to the Girls. July 11th has Crosby mulling over three different shows, while July 12th’s column focuses on a couple of women’s programmes, one on local New York radio.